Beach Beneath the Pavement (2021)

AUDIO TRANSCRIPT

MAIN:
Okay. Face North. Stand by the fire hydrant. You should see a bench right in front of you and a bunch of trees. Most of the trees have a plate underneath them with the name and a memory of a person. I guess they've been planted there by their families. Makes you wonder who they were, and what they had done throughout their life.

Anyways, let's walk towards the small tree in front of us. Our breath is aligned with our footsteps.

This tree is one of those trees with the name plates. In loving memory of our dear friend and brother Bogdan Mitrovich. It might be buried under the snow, depending on when you are here. Beyond that, there's the railing. It looks like it's a set of stairs down to the ravine from where we're standing.

Let's walked towards the railing. Breathe in, and take a step.

And stop.

Keep walking towards the railing.

On our right is the playground someone had left their toy truck in the sand. It's weird. Cause I've seen those toy trucks like everywhere in all these playgrounds.

growing up, everything needed to be calculated as if every step you take as a repercussion Running from the pigs on the same pavement we stepped on as children. Those same pavements are now washed with the blood of our friends and family.

Touch the railing. Suddenly we can see all these stairs,

those cements stairs that lead down to the ravine. Look down. There's water running. Down there, some people pass on their bikes. How do people find the courage to bike here on their own? Maybe they Haven't had to run away from anything or anyone in a quiet place. Run for their life. Let's let them pass. Walk down. We've got to focus on, trying to get down to the ravine.

Keep walking.

These walks remind me of those childhood games we would play in Tehran with my brother. Don't step on the borders of each cement tile. Every step and move was calculated.

Borders. Who would've thought they'd become so prominent when you grow up. So bold. Our whole entire life has been spent on how we could pass the borders and reach another life. We were the lucky ones. Got a ticket and then next thing you know, we settled on this stolen land. So much of our life has been limited and reduced to where we are from where we can go in the world depends on where we were born in.

Something that we never had control over. How different do you think our life would've been if we were born somewhere else? I ask that of myself. Most of the days when I feel down. Every step we wanted to take was reduced to where we were from, but we were still the privileged ones. At least we can tell our stories on these walks spaces and talks.

When you get to the bottom of these long stairs, take that small set of stairs on your right down to the bottom. Watch out. It might be slippery.

Okay. We're Down at the bottom of the stairs. Which way you want to go? Left or right? If you want to go left, choose left on your phone. If you want to go right, choose right. Remember each path has a totally different experience. If you go left, I'll tell you a wholesome story. If you go right, I'll tell a darker story from a darker time.

———————

LEFT:

Okay, let's go left.

Listen to my footsteps and just follow me.

This is the path I'd choose mostly at nights. Because at the end of it you could see the cars passing on the highway. It's calming. You see, I moved here six years ago, sort of a random move. We had been here before that, but we went back to Iran. Parents were thinking it will be a better place. With friends and families around.

And it was, but since none of us willingly leave our hometown, me coming here was one of those situations as well. You hear the water?

you see that bigger tree on our right? With that bridge past it. Let's just stand by it for a second.

Right here we'd get drunk and come sit by this water. You see up there?

Anyways, let's get back on our path.

you see up there where those fences are? There used to be a dog park. There wasn't construction there before. There was a parking lot that cars would park in. Some of them you could tell they were f***ing in the car. Some of them were just sitting there. I had no fucking idea why there would be cars parked there.

I'd never come here alone. That's why we're here together now. You got my back and I got yours. That's what we'd learn when we were growing up. Don't walk alone on the streets at night. Don't go out on the streets alone. "Natarsid! Natarsid! Ma hame ba ham hastim!". I was a little f***cking kid, but that sentence has always resonated in my years.

Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. We're all in this together.

You should be passing by a set of benches on your right. Some garbage bins right beside it. There on our left. There's some f***cking description about the park or maps or something. You can read over it if you want, but I don't recommend it.

Let's follow this curve to the right.

you see these bike racks beside the bench? They makes so much weird sound when you tap them.

anyways, let's keep going. Let's walk straight. Things have changed so much from the last time I was here. I guess things do change. Places, people, feelings.

I don't know how I feel about these green fences in here.

before these fences were up, there were kids playing here.

I wouldn't see the kids themselves, but you would see traces of the kids playing. There was always chalks drawings on the ground from their games they would play throughout the day.

But I guess as fences go up, life disappears.

we're just reaching this crosswalk here. Let's pass. Let's go to the other side of the road.

You see that bridge up there? Once we saw a deer under that bridge. Just the silhouette of a deer. Looking back at us at a distance. Once we got close it just ran away. Walked down to the bridge. It is I guess a bit safer now that these green fences are here. But I don't like em.

underneath that bridge was filled with graffitis. Now they're all wiped off. Who knows? Maybe by the time you're listening to this, there will be more graffitis by other people.

I feel like I've been talking too much. How about we race up to the top of this curve at the end of the bridge?

Okay. Ready? 3, 2, 1, go.

uh, see the highway on the left? I told you it's beautiful. Cars are probably getting home. There's this bridge on our right. The one that I kept talking about, remember?

We could either go sit on the top or we could just chill here at the beginning of the bridge. Seeing the highway at night is beautiful from here. I always liked nights more than the day. At night, I'd always feel calmer. Everything seems very still, and it doesn't matter what has happened throughout the day.

Cause you known nothing could hurt you now. You could just go to bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. And no one's going to ask you why. And the next day you wake up with so much stress and weird feelings. But it doesn't matter. Cause night will always come!

———————

RIGHT:

All right. When we turn right, I'm going to tell you the story of that strange evening. Just follow me in the story. As I tell you where I was headed, just follow my lead. By the end, you should end up under a massive bridge. Okay. Ready?

I turned right at the bottom of the stairs. It was a gloomy day. There's a bridge up ahead that's half covered in tree branches. I don't know where it leads, but I want to keep going. I walk towards the bridge. People walk by me not knowing I'm high as shit. It makes me nervous when people get close to me when I'm high. Are they all just like, what the f*** is this bearded brown dude doing here, walking on his own at this time of the day?

Can they tell I'm high?

I reached the bridge, tried to cross it and it's super wobbly. I just stay at the tip of the bridge for a second and gather my thoughts. Finally, with a deep breath, I find the courage to step on that bridge. With every step I take I feel like I'm going to fall over in the water. I'm gripping the bridge super tight and try to pass it as fast as I can.

I dunno how fast I passed it, but it feels super short.

I pass the bridge. There's a narrow walkway infront of me that people pass by. I turn right.

my shoulders almost touch people's shoulders as they pass. Cause we are all wearing our chunky, winter coats..

The ground is muddy and icy at the same time. Some people pass on their bikes. I'm worried for them. How are they finding the courage to bike here at the dusk? And knowing that the ground is this icy?

As I'm going. I hear the sound of the water. There's this big tree log on my right, right by this short dotted metal pole,

I go in the mud to try and see how fast the water is running. I get a bit close and decide that is too much for me to handle right now as that sharp tree branch almost goes into my eye.

I swerve back towards the narrow path. I'm wearing my mask and rubbing my teeth together. I'm sweating in my winter jacket. I'm worried I'm gonna chip my tooth or snap them in half. I'm playing a rhythm in my mind by grinding my teeth together. That's what I would do all the time since I was a kid.

The path gets narrower. I'm close to the water. Everywhere looks the same. Family passes by me with their kids. I see them keeping distance. I can't tell if it's because of the pandemic or they think I'm sketchy. Do they know I'm high?

There's trees everywhere. I'm a bit confused as I reach these two branches on my right with another very long set of staircase that seemed to lead to nowhere. I keep moving.

I'm grinding my teeth and breaking my knuckles.

I keep getting drawn to this sound in my mind. I can hear it everywhere

that night, I just walked and walked. That's what we should do right now too. Let's just keep walking

That evening I never stopped. I just kept going. I didn't know what would happen if I had stopped. I look up and the naked tree branches have covered the whole sky. They're watching over me.

To this day. I can't remember why and how I ended up in that ravine. Just like I don't know how I remember that whole walk so vividly. Every goddamn second of it.

I look around confused as shit. I can see another bridge up ahead. The path is icy

It's that weird time of the day. The time that there's no shadows around. It's 5:00 PM on a winter day.

The sun is setting but I can't even see the sun.

I just see the sky getting darker and darker. and my vision getting blurrier and blurrier.

I keep looking up. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I got to look back and look up to make sure I'm safe.

at night, the first bridge was not the only bridge up ahead. There was two more coming up, but I had no idea.

Let's keep going and not stop. Just follow my flow. It's all about the flow when you're high. Close your eyes for a second, but not for too long to get scared. Just long enough so you can catch a break from this world. Find the rhythm in your mind and follow it. Try and find where it comes from. Follow a particular sound.

This is a useless story. Maybe a waste of time for you and I, but you're following me on my journey and that's what should matter to us. Because life is full of useless shit.

My eyes are watery. I don't know if it's the cold or it's because I'm super high. I blink. Suddenly I'm in Tehran. I've just had my tea with sugar and finished my bread and cheese sandwich. Damn I'm craving that right now. I can smell the sugar and tea. Did you know that smell is the strongest sense for those who have it?

I think us immigrants have a strong sense of smell mixed with a lot of melancholia. We remember smells perfectly. Days, months, and years pass, but our melancholia stays intact. I keep thinking about this letter I wrote to my friend. It goes like this: But what happens to a generation which is born dead? A generation that has no future even as a poor, oppressed, minority, or disqualified? A generation which its alienation has been sublimated to an ontological level.

We are learning the ways to conquest our destiny. We're learning to live in this asphalt jungle.

We let the streets and cars pass by our souls and our minds. We study the enemy, just like a surgeons studies their patient.

We attack our own bodies. The body which is a part of the framework that has led us into this world. Sex is boring for us, but we are fond of drugs.

Let's just keep going for now. Watch out for the ice.

The path is icy, and I get slower as I reach the icy parts. I reach a garbage bin.

Another sign that this is probably a safe space. Enough humans pass by here that they've set up a garbage bin

beyond the bin is another f***cking two-way choice. It's another bridge. I take the path on the right with the water flowing over the cement.

I'm not sure how far my foot would go in the water if I step in, but I don't want to walk on another f***cking bridge. Not now.

I step into water and step into another world.

Water wasn't that deep! I pass the water. Water always finds it's way out. Suddenly I see people running towards something. There's a lot of them coming out of the forest and running toward something. All I could see are those tall buildings infront of me. Some of the lights are on because the night is about to fall.

just keep going for. The next time I talk to you. You should see a bridge infront of you. Watch out for the bikes passing by

I see a sign.

In front of me. It's another f***cking two-way choice. This time I choose to go on the bridge on the left.

I'm not ready to just get my feet wet again. There's a lot of people! Groups of people running towards that big, tall highway bridge.

I'm tired of f***cking talking. Look,

there's a party under the bridge. I drop another tab and run towards the bridge with a group of people. You could join if you want as well.

This ravine is full of bridges. Rickety bridges that lead to nowhere. We start from a bridge, and end at a bridge. Bridges that lead to nowhere.

Remember the letter I read out to you? Here's the rest of it as a finale for this shitty walk!

We are aware that the more absolute our hope, the more it gets down. We get even poorer than the poor. To have nothing to lose is freedom. We are the DOA. We are trapped in a static journey only morons call life.

There's no beach beneath the pavement.